If the whole brass section of the London Philharmonic had turned up, George would have out-brassed them.
If you’d turned up expecting to hear an apology, you were in the wrong place.
If you wanted a bath, you were in the right one.
It was standing room only at the House of Commons where the Chancellor was expected for the larruping of his life.
The sayings of IDS had been lovingly revived to pour over the twitching corpse.
Pall bearers on both sides of the Chamber jockeyed for the right to carry the coffin.
Then George cancelled and sent Flashman instead.
Those who believed David Cameron to be Tom Brown’s bully learned their lesson today.
You are never going to find the words contrite and Chancellor in the same sentence as long as George has the job.
If you thought he’d gone into hiding since last Friday, you would be wrong. He had actually spent the weekend at the dentist having his teeth sharpened.
If he had worn a cloak into the Commons, the picture would have been complete.
Instead we had settle for a man who was clearly on something – and that something was himself.
Guy ropes flapping in the wind, he almost took off as he defended his latest omni-shambles as a demonstration of one nation Toryism.
IDS was to be praised, said the man who in the past said he didn’t have the brains for the job.
He, George himself, was to be praised for caring, listening, planning, changing and every other ‘ing’ in the dictionary.
The stunned crowd broke into his speech with insults disguised as interventions.
George loved it and replied to the interventions with insults.
He loved it so much that every shouted statement seemed accompanied by an outpouring of spittle.
No-one on the opposition front bench had thought of bringing an umbrella so they had to not grin and bear it.
On the Tory side, the full Flashman was music to the ears of the usual who proceeded to join in the slobbering.
As George wound them up, so they returned the compliment.
If he had blown a whistle they would happily have stormed the barricades the people’s party had erected to keep dry.
The Shadow Chancellor suggested he should consider his position.
The Chancellor seemed very happy with it.
“Teeth” flickr photo by spaceyjessie https://flickr.com/photos/spaceyjessie/6071362167 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-NC-ND) license